Dracula!

Published on June 3, 2010 in Uncategorized. 0 Comments Tags: , .

I’m writing a novel about a vegan vampire, it will be deficient in irony.

Take flight

Published on February 17, 2010 in Women. 1 Comment Tags: .

I was dating an Ornithologist.

We only communicated by Twitter.

Bestseller

Published on October 15, 2009 in mental health. 0 Comments Tags: , .

It is unfortunate that “Chicken Soup for the Vegan Soul” sold so few copies

Cruelty to Animals

Published on May 30, 2009 in Uncategorized and Women. 1 Comment Tags: , .

I was dating a vegan.

She got pissed when I called her “honey”.

Good God!

Published on September 23, 2008 in Heavy Metal. 2 Comments

Why do satanists enjoy heavy metal music so much?

Because they have no soul!

Milkbone

Published on August 5, 2008 in Drugs and mental health. 0 Comments

My Golden Retriever had to get a prescription for Xanax.

He has a nervous tick.


Lobster Claw

Published on June 2, 2008 in crustaceans and Women. 0 Comments

I was dating a woman who worked at Red Lobster

Things didn’t work out.

I could not get past the fact that she had clammy hands.

Lower forms of life

Published on May 12, 2008 in The Sciences and Women. 0 Comments

I was dating an Invertebrate Zoologist.

She said that I was spineless.

Lobster Roll

Published on March 18, 2008 in crustaceans and mental health. 3 Comments


Q: Why did the lobster get a prescription for Prozac?

A: He was feeling crabby.

Light bulbs and such

Published on March 14, 2008 in minimalism and screwing in light bulbs. 0 Comments

Q: How many minimalists does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: One